Saturday, November 26, 2005

Biggest Celebrity Liars of 2005

Since the "Brangelina" hookup, the "Nessica" split and the "Tomkat" brouhahas, I've been racking my gorgeous noodle trying to figure out why stars choose to lie through their polished veneers about their personal lives when they could simply tell the truth. That naturally led me to consider the Most Shameless Lies of 2005 (feel free to submit your own too!):

JESSICA "Daddy says I'm the best french kisser in the whole world" SIMPSON: "We are SO HAPPY. For some reason, happiness isn't interesting to people. They [the tabloids] want to sell their magazines. At the end of the day, NICK's COMING HOME TO ME." What day would that be exactly? Tues-neds-urs-zzle-day? Responding July 25 to questions on the status of her marriage with NICK LACHEY to "Entertainment Tonight."

ANGELINA "I want to taste everyone in the world" JOLIE: "To be intimate with a married man, when my own father cheated on my mother, is not something I could forgive. I could not look at myself in the morning, if I did that." As told on June 8 to befuddled interviewer Ann Curry, shortly after she was splashed across every tabloid in the world with Aniston ex Bradley Pitt. I'm appalled to say yours truly was actually taken in by this total fib. I mean, who can resist the "I came from a broken home" plea from a star? So my faith in Hollyweird was shattered, of course, when pics appeared of Nursemaid Brad practically suckling Angelina's little tot, Zahara, at his man-breast.

JENNIFER "More Xanax, Please" ANISTON: "Do I talk to Brad? Yes, we do, I do. That's very peaceful. It's a really peaceful thing." Just what dosage are you on, Jen? Yes, every woman who's been ditched by her gorgeous husband for a giant-lipped Amazon considers their breakup "peaceful."

KATIE HOLMES: "I have looked into it myself and I really like it and I think it's really wonderful," regarding Scientology to "Access Hollywood" on June 21 during her Cruise-a-palooza Summer Tour.

CHRIS "I'm losing my hair and my beloved Katie-Kat" KLEIN: "I’m not lonely. I’ll tell you that, I’m certainly not crying myself to sleep at night, sucking my thumb. No, Dude, I’m out and about." -- Details magazine. Yeah, sure you are dude. So what was the box office on "Just Friends" again?


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