Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tom Holds It Together – Just Barely

TOM CRUISE's new publicist PAUL BLOCH must be doing something right. The Top Gun's interview with Babwa Walters on ABC last night was short and sweet and only slightly unsettling. No couch jumping and just one awkward comment about "465,000 children getting off ritalin" since his MATT LAUER rant. But there was still that creepy inappropriate laughter at legitimate and non-humorless questions. Such as "Does Scientology's silent birth mean no one can talk in the delivery room?" Tom's megawatt smile never faltered as the ominous chuckle grew deep in his completely heterosexual gullet and spilled up through his soulless throat: "No – ha, ha – no. No – ha, ha. NO. Like anything – ha, ha, ha, HA, ha, ha -- you want to be as quiet as possible. There – ha, ha -- have been misinterpretations – ha, ha -- that the woman can't make any noise, and -- ha, ha -- that's just not true." (JUST WHAT IS SO BLASTED FUNNY, TOM?) "No, but just calm and quiet," he continued, still snorting under his breath. "I want KATE to be as comfortable as possible. And whatever she's gonna go through, she's gonna go through. And I'm gonna be there." Yes, Kate, never fear. Tom will be there, creepily snickering next to the Scientology doctors as you writhe and scream, unmedicated, through the joy of childbirth.

Great Moments in Tom History: Remember this happy day? A British interviewer squirted His Tomness with water at London's WOTW premiere over the summer before the armed publicists moved in.


At 11:56 AM, Blogger djn said...

Could there possibly be anyone creepier than Tom Cruise? He makes my skin crawl.

Kate, as he calls her, can rest assured that Tom will be there controlling her every move. Someone needs to rescue her -- she's clearly been brainwashed.

At 12:19 PM, Anonymous tennisgirl said...

I can't believe I used to have a crush on him after "Cocktail." The horror! Run for your life, Katie!

At 12:20 PM, Anonymous tennisgirl said...

I can't believe I used to have a crush on him after "Cocktail." The horror! Run for your life, Katie!

At 5:14 PM, Blogger TiffaneyC said...

God, Scientology is just wrong in every shape and form, and it is a shame that innocent people get dragged/brainwashed into it. The Scientoloby birth also includes the mother not talking to the baby for the first seven days...wonder why Crazy Tom won't tell ya that?

At 5:48 PM, Anonymous parishater said...

why can't they talk to the baby? afraid of thetans? or whatever those alien sucker things are called?


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