Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Brangelina: Wedding On?

The BRAD PITT/ANGELINA JOLIE media play-by-play may finally be creaking to an end. Rumors are swirling that the undercover duo are set to wed sometime next week in Italy, and friend GEORGE CLOONEY's Lake Como villa is being tossed around as the locale. Brad has fond (read: drunken) memories of the place after filming 'Ocean's Twelve' near there with George and the gang two years ago. Angelina reportedly wants to marry before she squirts the little pup out in May. Stay tuned for more wedding details...

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Counting, Counting with Kristy Swanson

Ah, the perils of skipping "Sesame Street." Specially abled blonde actress KRISTY SWANSON seemed shocked to learn on last night's "Skating with Celebrities" that "47" is actually less than "49." "What the hell are you talking about? I'm confused!" the former "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" fumed, after being informed that her skating score of 49.1 was high enough to qualify for another round and that she had NOT, in fact, been kicked off the show. (Knock-kneed DEBORAH GIBSON landed the woeful lowest score of the night, 47.9, and was eliminated.) It's not all Kristy's fault however. Her macho skating partner, LLOYD EISLER, swung her around in so many lifts and spins that she actually scraped the ice on her chest and face and was bleeding from her chin by the end.

The show's crowdpleasers, of course, were NANCY KERRIGAN and "Full House" stooge DAVE COULIER, who performed in drag. (Which reminds me, am I the only one who thinks of ALANNIS MORISSETTE and "You Oughta Know" when Dave takes the ice? Holla if you know what I mean.)

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Drew Gives the 'Ladies' a Lift

After goodnaturedly mocking herself on "SNL" for her saggy-looking boobs at the Golden Globe Awards, DREW BARRYMORE joked with L.A. Times reporters at the Hollywood premiere of "Curious George," a new children's movie, that "I’m wearing Celine -- and a bra!"

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Cruising the SAG After Parties

Popozao! Everyone's fave white trash couple BRITNEY SPEARS and K-FED boogeyed down. (More pics at People.com.)
And pimp GEORGE CLOONEY was spotted makin' the moves on "desperate" TERI HATCHER (You can almost see her thinking, "Don't blow it, don't blow it"...)

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Monday, January 30, 2006

Angelina's Smokin' New Fashion Ads

St. Johns Knits has released its new spring ad campaign starring ANGELINA JOLIE. It's quite a classy spread, with all of Angie's tattoos discreetly covered. I think they're trying to market to middle-aged ladies-who-lunch so Angie should fit right in. Given her recent ambitious makeover, I expect Angie to start speaking in an English accent any day now.

Name the Celeb!

Yoo-hoo, guess who?

Click here to see the "thrilling" answer!

Sunday, January 29, 2006

SAG Hotties!

At the Screen Actors Guild Awards Sunday night:
KATHERINE "No Doc Ever Looked Like Her" HEIGL


JAIME "They Don't Pay Me to Smile" PRESSLY
Pimps 'N Hos

HEATH "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" LEDGER and MICHELLE WILLIAMS

The NBA's TONY PARKER and "Look, we match!" EVA LONGORIA

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Saturday, January 28, 2006

Joaquin To Walk the Press Line

JOAQUIN PHOENIX is expected to show at Sunday's SAG Awards, despite rolling his car and colliding with another driver Thursday afternoon in Hollywood. You may have seen the amusing headlines on that one -- "Johnny Crash" and "Walking the Double Yellow Line" -- (okay, I made up that last one, funny, ain't it?) His publicist says both drivers are fine, although Joaquin may be a little sore, and that he will still attend the show ( 8 p.m. on TBS & TNT) as scheduled, because, let's face it, wild paparazzi couldn't stop an actor from picking up an award. Joaquin's nominated for Best Harelip, er, I mean, Male Performance, for playing the Man in Black in the bio-pic. Here's hoping he shows up with an eye-patch or a neck brace or some other groovy accident accessory!

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Friday, January 27, 2006

Jessica Brings Home the Cheese!

Professional rumpshaker JESSICA SIMPSON has made another SuperBowl commercial for Pizza Hut to debut Feb. 5. In the upcoming ad, the "Dukes of Hazzard" floozy spoofs her tired music video ''These Boots Are Made For Walkin', by changing the lyrics to, "These bites are made for poppin'," in reference to the company's "Cheesy Bites." She then tosses the snacks into customers' mouths -- causing one young male admirer to reportedly "faint." I threw up in my mouth a little bit just writing that last line so I can only imagine the true awfulness of this spot. Here's an idea: Maybe little sis ASHLEE can pop a bite too and then choke on it due to "acid reflux." That'd be hawt!

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Bad Star Moms!

If you had asked me a year ago who was the worst celeb mom, I probably would have said track-mark queen COURTNEY LOVE or shifty-eyed ROSIE O'DONNELL. So it naturally shocked me that sweet, darling NICOLE KIDMAN could be a contender here. But wouldn't you know it? Snitch of the minute, SUZANNE HANSEN, is dishing the dirt on star parents she worked for in "You'll Never Nanny in this Town Again," and alleging that the foxy Aussie never spent more than 5 minutes with her adopted kiddies, CONNOR and ISABELLA. "I never saw her with her children," she tells Page Six. Hansen also says that Nicole's ex, level 11ty-seven Scientologist TOM CRUISE, drew up strict confidentiality guidelines for his help. Probably so they couldn't squeal about him praying to the toaster or standing in front of the fridge, trying to turn water into ice using the power of his "mind."

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Meg Ryan's Chinese Delivery
Foreign babies are the new hot Hollywood accessories, dontchaknow, right behind chihuahuas and kinkajous, if you believe the tabloids. ANGELINA has MADDOX and ZAHARA and now Us Weekly reports that MEG RYAN has adopted a Chinese baby girl who is happily ensconced with her new mom in her Bel-Air mansion. Meg already has a teenage son, JACK, with ex-hubby, DENNIS QUAID, so what's with the sudden maternal cravings? Speaking of cradle-robbing, Meg is planning a movie comeback after the dismal "On the Ropes" boxing drama. She'll be starring opposite "The O.C." cutie ADAM BRODY in a romantic comedy, "In the Land of Women."

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

It's Jacko!

The exiled King of Pop was photographed visiting a friend at a modest two-story home in Hamburg, Germany. For more vintage Wacko Jacko, click here.

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Name the Celeb!

Who is this 20something star? Can you guess?

Scroll down to see the answer!

It's hawtt girrrl star PINK!

See her spoofing LINDSAY LOHAN, PARIS HILTON and more "Stupid Girls" in her hilarious new music vid below. The single will be on her new album, "I'm Not Dead," out April 4:

Isaac Will Grope Again

Pervy fashion designer and E! correspondent ISAAC MIZRAHI will return to the red carpet for the Oscars on March 5, despite feeling up SCARLETT JOHANNSSON's boob and asking EVA LONGORIA about her "hair down there" at the Golden Globes. "I'm sorry, I can't help myself," gay groper Mizrahi said, when called on by co-commentators RYAN SEACREST and GIULIANA DePANDI to defend his confusing display of heterosexuality. Who will his next victim be? I'm hoping for RUSSELL CROWE. If he's got a phone on him, watch out! In any case, see Isaac squeezing Scarlett's melons below.

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Freaky Star Hookups: Kanye West and Pam Anderson

I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but human blow-up doll PAM ANDERSON is now rumored to be mackin' on rapper KANYE WEST. HOWARD STERN reported on his show today that the Playmate and the Grammy winner were spotted "canoodling" (hate that word) at the famous Chateau Marmont in Hollywood (that's where JOHN BELUSHI overdosed, for you youngsters. You see, John Belushi was this really fat, funny comedian who rose to fame in the … oh, forget it.) In related Kanye news, the "Jesus Walks" rapper appears as yep, the "Big JC," on the new issue of Rolling Stone magazine, out Friday. Far be it from Kanye to play the race card, of course. In the interview, he admits that white boy JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE is one of his idols but says,
"I don't want to come off, like, ungracious, but I feel like I had to fight to get on these covers."

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Monday, January 23, 2006

Britney's Car (And Career?) Stall!

Cops were surprised to see BRITNEY SPEARS stranded on the shoulder of a California freeway over the weekend in her $250,000 Ferrari. The "Toxic" cutie was riding shotgun with, not K-FED, but her brother BRYAN SPEARS when the silver convertible clunked to a halt on the Pacific Coast Highway. Paparazzi actually came to her rescue by pushing the stalled sportscar out of traffic. Those sweet shutterbugs! Cali Sheriffs gave the pop star a lift home. The reason for the stall? NO GAS.

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Sunday, January 22, 2006

Sundance Sightings: Hey Jen, Where's Vince?

The Hollywood glitternazis have officially taken over tiny Park City, Utah, where the Sundance Film Festival officially kicked off Thursday night despite fff-rre-eezing 19 degree temps. Yow! Every pseudo-celeb with a pair of Uggs and a crappy low-budget movie is in town, including PARIS HILTON and the like, but none have the starpower of JENNIFER ANISTON, who literally required a police escort to take her to the screening of her new flick "Friends with Money." Big news is Jen arrived WITHOUT current squeeze VINCE VAUGHN, even though Star magazine claims she begged him to marry her after learning of ANGELINA JOLIE's pregnancy by BRAD last week. Joining her instead were her castmates JOAN CUSACK, FRANCES McDORMAND, and CATHERINE KEENER. In the comedy, due out later this year, USA Today says Jen plays,
"a lovable, unmarried pothead who quits her job teaching at a private school and scrapes by cleaning houses as her well-to-do married pals (McDormand, Keener and Cusack) offer advice and sympathy while messing up their own lives in creative ways."

Snap! We always knew Rachel Green liked the chronic!

THIS JUST IN: Is "Friends" returning? News is raging that the six-pack has agreed to film four hourlong specials! "In a secret meeting before Christmas, Jen, COURTNEY COX, LISA KUDROW, MATT LEBLANC, DAVID SCHWIMMER and MATTHEW PERRY reportedly agreed to a $5 million apiece deal with NBC bosses in Los Angeles. Scriptwriters have already started penning lines for the four double episodes, which are due to air next year." Hmm, sounds too good to be true. SUNDAY NIGHT UPDATE: And it's a no-go! Reps at NBC say any such rumors are "absolutely not true."

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Will the Real Kim Mathers Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up?

Rapper EMINEM, or "Feminem" as he looks here, tied the knot earlier this month to his ex, KIM MATHERS. Or did he? Check out Mrs. MARSHALL MATHERS' wedding pic with one of her many courtrooom photos from before (below left). Amazing what brown hair dye and airbrushing can do to ... oh my god, is that Em's MOM?!

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Music Bit-Bits

-- If you dig animated singing kittens, punk gophers or just annoying your friends and coworkers with ska music, then hop on over to Soupy George, the latest music vid from the Rather Good gang. (Music by "7 Seconds of Love"). (Courtesy USA Today).

-- Hold onto your cupcakes, it's SNL's "Chronic-WHAT!-cles of Narnia"!

Backstreet's Fat, All Right!

Are you ready for this jelly? From their tour in China, where NICK CARTER and the BACKSTREET BOYS are clearly enjoying the cuisine....

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Santino Presents: Turkeys on Ice!

Hilarious fashion Sandinisto SANTINO RICE was on a roll on last night's "Project Runway," which required the remaining 8 designers to (surprise!) craft an ice-skating costume for Olympic gold medalist SASHA COHEN. I won't spoil the ending for those who haven't seen it except to say that long before they were handed the assignment, the flamboyant Santino was dreaming of making some kind of Kentucky-fried getup. "I want, like, a bird -- or a chicken suit!" he gushed excitedly. What he came up with was a kind of god-awful, red-feathered, turkey suit, which he dramatically dubbed a "fire phoenix rising from the flames." Naturally, the judges were waiting with carving knives as Santino's flaming fiasco hit the runway. One crowed, "The back is like Carmen Miranda on acid," while MICHAEL KORS guffawed, "Unless she was opening a Thanksgiving pageant and the Indians were chasing the turkey, I don't get it!" Just goes to show what they know. We hear The Icecapades are banging down Santino's door!

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Indiana Jones and the Bedpan of Doom

Like all crotchety, old men, HARRISON FORD is losing touch with reality. The aging action star is threatening yet again to star in a new "Indiana Jones" sequel and says whippersnappers STEVEN SPIELBERG and GEORGE LUCAS better pony up a script but quick! "I haven't felt this positive about it happening in a long time," the 63-year-old geezer says, "but if it doesn't happen in the next two years we should all forget it." Consider it forgotten! If you saw the Golden Globes on Monday, you probably noticed that Ford nearly broke a hip just walking out on-stage.

More Action Hero Tidbits

Agent Mulder, DAVID DUCHOVNY, apparently wants to be the new "Incredible Hulk" in the upcoming sequel. Hot Aussie ERIC BANA wisely pulled out of the project when he found out it was going straight to DVD. Can stringbean Duchovny fill the Hulk's torn britches? Ponder that while you enjoy this pic of the hottest Superman yet, BRANDON ROUTH. (More "Superman Returns" pics here):

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Shatner Sells Body Parts

How much would you pay to own a piece of Captain Kirk? WILLIAM SHATNER has reportedly auctioned off his kidney stone to an online casino. GoldenPalace.com, which collects unusual objects, paid $25,000 for Shatner's stone. He's even throwing in the surgical stint and string used to permit passage of it from his body. "If you subjected it to extreme heat, it might turn out to be a diamond," the bloated actor said. The "Star Trek" and "Boston Legal" goofball says he will give the money to Habitat for Humanity, which builds houses for the needy.

This isn't the first star item GoldenPalace.com has bought. They recently paid $1.5 million for MICHAEL JACKSON's go-cart racing ID from "Malibu Grand Prix" in Florida. The year? 1980-something! Wonder who has MACAULAY CULKIN's?

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Monday, January 16, 2006

Golden Globe Hotties!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Compared to: When Stars Dress Themselves ...

Teri Hatcher wearing her Xmas Tree Skirt?
Evangeline Lilly from "Lost" on a Biker Bender

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So who was this year's LARA FLYNN BOYLE? PAM "Phantom" ANDERSON!

Kim and Eminem: Rap's Wackest Couple

"Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside ..." Yep, MARSHALL MATHERS re-married his ex, KIM, on Saturday in Rochester, Michigan, MTV reports. Rappers from his group, D12, along with 50 CENT and OBIE TRICE were there; PROOF was Em's best man. Kim, you'll remember, is the mom of their child, HAILIE, and the girl who Em's been feuding on and off with since they were 14. They were married once before in 1999 and in 2000 he reportedly caught her dancing with a guy at a bar and beat him with a pistol. In 2001, they divorced and later, the '8 Mile' star wrote a song about their, er, troubles called "Kim," that ended, "Shut the fuck up and get what's comin' to you. You were supposed to love me, now, bleed! Bitch, bleed! Bitch, bleed! Bitch, bleed! Bleed!"

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Beyonce Shakes It, Breaks It

Things you won't see on MTV's "Making the Video" ... In the new Cosmo, on stands Jan. 17, BEYONCÉ reveals, "In my 'Crazy in Love' video, I was dancing so hard that my whole dress completely fell off in front of all these men." Beyoncé, who is the mag's newly crowned "Fun Fearless Female," also says that all you folks out there still saying "Bootylicious", betta check yourself: "I'm still kind of embarrassed that I wrote that song. I had gained a little weight, and I was making fun of it."

Next Stop, Rehab!
Just days after being released from a hospital for an "asthma attack" and admitting, then denying, using drugs, teen car wreck LINDSAY LOHAN and stick-figure KATE MOSS allegedly crashed a New York Strip Club and gave the patrons a girl-on-girl pole-dancing show, reports Page Six.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Angelina to Have 'Sexiest Baby Alive'

ANGELINA JOLIE is indeed carrying BRAD PITT's baby, People.com is announcing in its new ish. (Sources say the fetus is already admiring its reflection in the uterus wall and practicing red-carpet poses in the womb.) And somewhere in Hollywood, JENNIFER ANISTON is screaming and throwing her Emmys against the wall.

Update:"The Insider" TV show now reports that Jen found out about the babies like everyone else -- on TV. "I've been told that Brad did not call Jennifer to give her the heads up about the pregnancy," MARC MALKIN says. "She didn't find out until Angelina and Brad's reps confirmed the news to People magazine." That's cold, Brad!

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Frankie Muniz's Bro Buys Nick and Jessica's Pad

The scene of the breakup, NICK LACHEY and JESSICA SIMPSON's former “Newlyweds” home in Calabasas, has been snapped up by "Malcolm in the Middle"'s JUSTIN BERFIELD. Berfield plays FRANKIE MUNIZ's punk brother "Reese" on the FOX sitcom. Reese, 18, is also a junior producer too; his company shot the hit E! reality show, "Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive" with Jessica's dad, JOE SIMPSON. The Mediterranean-style home, which includes a screening room and a music studio painstakingly refurbished by Nick on MTV's ill-fated "Newlyweds," was listed by Sotheby’s Real Estate for $3.75 million.

Julia Roberts is Now Your Mom

Hottie-turned-recluse JULIA ROBERTS appeared in a frumpy black pantsuit at the Critics' Choice Awards Monday night in California to present pal GEORGE CLOONEY with a completely bogus-sounding honor, called the "Freedom Award." It supposedly goes to an individual who embodies the "values of freedom, tolerance and democracy" through his or her work. (Or a completely rich and connected movie star.) But more distressing was Julia's drab hair and shapeless head-to-toe black suit. This look should only be attempted by DIANE KEATON -- or Neo from "The Matrix."

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