Thursday, August 31, 2006

Apprentice Bloodbath! Carolyn Axed

So it's like that, eh, Donald? CAROLYN KEPCHER is usually the axewoman in "The Apprentice" boardroom, but today she found her own head on the chopping block! DONALD TRUMP fired his cool, right-hand blonde for "excessive self-promotion," according to the NY Post. (Self promotion? Hmm, what would The Donald know about that?) Carolyn was the chief operating officer of two of Trump's golf courses and his chief snitch, always reporting back to "The Donald" on the teams as they performed their weekly challenges. Ever since her lucrative TV gig, she's performed speaking engagements, made a number of talk-show appearances and two years ago wrote a book called "Carolyn 101."

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Fun With Treadmills: My New Video Heroes

I never really dug treadmills until I saw kooky Chicago band OK GO's new video for "Here it Goes Again." The guys strut and jump flawlessly between four treadmills all while singing -- and tomorrow night they're going to perform their death-defying act live at 8 p.m. on the MTV VMAs. Burn rubber, bros!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Matt Leinart Gonna Be a Baby Daddy!

Hunky ballplayer and junior pimp MATT LEINART is expecting -- and it's not PARIS's, KRISTIN CAVALLARI's or even b-frie NICK LACHEY's! The former USC QB-turned-Arizona Cardinal, who's been spotted squiring Hollywood's most in-demand blondes, has apparently knocked up women's hoops player BRYNN CAMERON (See below). He's 23 and she's all of 20. I have two words for Matt: Pre-nup!

Paris' Album a 'Certified Flop'

Record industry geeks are calling PARIS HILTON's debut album a "certified flop" after it sold just 75,000 copies in the U.S. during its first week out. How bad is that? Well, consider that X-TINA's new disc sold 320,000 and you get the drift. Tongues are wagging that the heir-head is devastated and that producer SCOTT STORCH is calling her hourly to berate her. Poor Paris! Guess she'll have to give up her lifelong dream of singing and embrace her 9-to-5 grind of giving head and spreading herpes.

Technorati: + +

Alyssa Milano Unveils Cute Ballpark Tops

Just when I thought ALYSSA MILANO's legacy to the world would be bad "Who's the Boss" and "Charmed" re-runs, girlfriend has surprised me by launching her own fashion line of cute, sporty tops girls can wear to baseball games. "Women should be able to look stylish while cheering on their favourite team," she says. Go on, girl! If you're a sports fan or your boyfriend has ever dragged you to a baseball game, you know it's almost impossible to look stylish and sporty -- esp with all those goofy foam fingers and giant cups of beer floating around. Alyssa's tops, called TOUCH by Alyssa Milano, look like they come in kimono styles and even cinched blouses with various team logos "tastefully" displayed. She even has jeans! I for one am psyched to see the line when it comes out in stores Spring 2007.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Kill the Stylist! Emmy Dresses and Hot Messes


Austin Powers, eat your heart out! SIMON COWELL's manly chest rug is all real, baby.

Did Dr. Meredith skin Barney to make her purple velvet dress?

I almost "auf'd" when I saw HEIDI KLUM's pregnant hooker dress!

JEREMY PIVEN was heard to remark, "They're always after me Lucky Charms!"

Friday, August 25, 2006

Britney Now More Embarrassing Than K-Fed

You gotta give BRITNEY SPEARS credit. The girl just can't stop acting a fool! Here she is at the Emmy shopping suites (where desperate products come to give celebs free shit) wearing a white top hat and throwing some ridiculous gang signs like her hubby, Vanilla Ice. Oops, I mean, K-FED-HER-A-LINE. Word to ya mother, Brit!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Kristin Snubs Jessica at Teen Choice

Behind all the love and support floating around onstage at the Teen Choice Awards, there was some serious diss-ing going on! "Laguna Beach" hottie and NICK LACHEY rebound babe KRISTIN CAVALLARI fled the red carpet after seeing JESSICA SIMPSON flounce her way, according to Open All Night Media,, who shot this great candid photo of the about-face in action. Hmmm, somehow I doubt L.C. has this much of an entourage!

Music for the Blind?

Deaf ... and dumb?

After all the buzz, PARIS HILTON's album finally drops today. "I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good," the heir-head tells Blender magazine of the new disc. Have you heard it? If so, let me know what you think! I'm sure they had to do a lot of mixing to plump up that squeaky voice, but hey, it can't be worse than anything K-FED could cough up! "Don't hate cuz I'm a superstar, yo!" LOL.

Monday, August 21, 2006

'Snakes' Winds Up B.O. Roadkill

So much for the hype! Like most reptiles, 'Snakes on a Plane' died an ignominious death at the theaters this weekend. The high concept but low turnout flick opened with a weak $13.8 million for second place, unless you count the studio's desperate attempt to get beancounters to include their Thursday night ticket sales of about $1.5 million. (Apparently, moviegoers would rather see 'Talladega Nights' WILL FERRELL prancing around in his tidy whities than those "mother-effin' snakes on that mother-effin' plane!") Today, the Wow Report chronicled the snakes tragic overdose outside the Viper Room last night, and the movie's star SAMUEL JACKSON is reportedly calling all ticket-buyers personally to apologize for the debacle.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Oh, Snap! Teen Choice Pics

Hostess with the Mostess ... spray-on tanner?

And here's her mom ... oops! That's NELLY FURTADO.

The former Mrs. BRODY JENNER! (Thank God, more Brody for me!)

Jess shows off her new "grill"

While BRITNEY shows off "the twins"!

Teen Choice Awards Could Get Juicy!

It could either be a night of celeb catfights or very special reunions on tonight's "Teen Choice Awards." Either way, someone's gonna wind up in tears back in their dressing room! (Let's just hope it's KEVIN FEDERJERK, who's supposed to perform his new single on national TV for the first time ever live.) Rumored smoochie boodges JESSICA SIMPSON and DANE COOK are hosting the event live tonight at 8 p.m. EST on FOX. And Jess' famous ex NICK LACHEY is expected in the house (he's nominated for male hottie) while his current girlfriend, Jess archenemy VANESSA MINNILLO, is nominated for choice TV personality. Will there be a Jess/Vanessa face-off? Will K-Spend get booed offstage? Keep checking back here!

From rehearsals:

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Haley Sees 'Dope People'!

HALEY JOEL OSMENT's new best friend is the Righteous Bush, according to the LAPD. Following his car crack-up last month, "The Sixth Sense" star is now being charged with "one misdemeanor count each of driving under the influence, driving while having a .08 percent or higher blood alcohol content with the special allegation of having a .15 percent or higher blood alcohol content, and possession of marijuana while driving. Puff the dragon once for me, bro!

Related News:
Haley Joel Car Crash

Mel Skates Off: No Jail!

Mad Max strikes again! While everyone's busy obsessing about JONBENET RAMSEY, MEL GIBSON quietly pleaded no contest to those drunk-driving charges in Malibu. His attorneys sneakily moved up his arraignment to today and then argued for a super light sentence: no jail time, 3 years probation, $1,300 fine, a year's worth of weekly AA meetings and a "restricted license" for 90 days. No comment was available from Sgt. "Sugar Tits"! (The L.A. Sherrifs' deputy he nicknamed during his drunken tirade in the Malibu drunk tank.)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Fresh Meat! Tyra's New 'Top Model' Wannabes

Just when summer TV started to look downright dreary, The CW (formerly UPN) has announced the new "America's Next Top Model" lineup! And boy, do they look -- young! And the 13 finalists (in no particular order) are:

A.J., Student, 20, Sacramento, Calif; Amanda, Bookstore Sales Associate, 18, Anaheim, Calif.'Anchal, Sales Clerk, 19, Homestead, Fla.; Brooke, Student, 18, Keller, Texas; CariDee, Photographer, 21, Fargo, N.D.; Christian, Bank Teller, 19, Columbia, S.C.; Eugena, Customer Service Rep., 21, Palmdale, Calif. Jaeda, Student, 18, Parkersburg, Iowa; Megg, retail Clerk, 18, Los Angeles; Megan, Bartender, 23, San Francisco; Melrose, Fashion Designer, 23, San Francisco; Michelle, Student, 18, Anaheim, Calif.' Monique, Marketing Representative, 19, Chicago.

So who are this year's divas and drama queens? Can't wait to find out! The seventh-cycle of "America’s Next Top Model" premieres on Wednesday, September 20 (8:00-10:00 PM, EST/PST) on The CW. (Photo courtesy: "DeYonker/The CW")

Can You Spot Dr. Phil's New Daughter in Law?

Yes, one of these Playboy Playmates is now the daughter-in-law of TV's top down-home head-shrinker, DR. PHIL. ERICA DAHM, a triplet, married Dr. Phil's son JAY McGRAW on Saturday at the good doc's Beverly Hills home -- and Phil was the best man.

Jay, 26, met Erica and her sisters on the set of a reality show called "Renovate My Family," where she was listed as a "construction expert," but, in fact, she and her sisters were called in as eye candy to demolish houses in need of refurbishing. Before that, she was a December 1998 Playmate with her sisters NICOLE and JACLYN -- the mag's first triplet spread ever! Can't you just imagine Jay introducing his fiancee to "Mr. Tell It Like It Is" family values? Kind of a PR nightmare, no? I mean, "Son, what were you thinkin'?!"

Technorati: + + + + +

Monday, August 14, 2006

What Happened to Princess Leia?

Help her, Obi Wan Kenobi! You're her only hope. CARRIE FISHER beamed over to Comedy Central's WILLIAM SHATNER Roast on Sunday looking like she'd been run over by the Millenium Falcon! Mr. Sulu, GEORGE TAKEI, was also in the house ...

Along with Spock and Cap'n Kirk's unholy "Love Child" ...

Yep, ANDY DICK! And then there was the guest of honor himself ...

The hilarious hijinks are set to air at 10 p.m., Aug. 20, on Comedy Central.

Technorati: + + + + + +

Kate Hudson Leaves Ugly, Bearded Dude

KATE HUDSON announced today that she is officially separating from that bug-eyed guy from The Black Crowes. I never did quite get the chemistry between these two; I'm pretty sure da chronic was the only thing keeping them together! Sure, "Hard to Handle" and "Remedy" were pretty catchy back in the day but what has Chris done since then? Anyway, I wish them both the best of luck, and their unfortunate horse-faced-looking kid, RYDER, too! Awwww ...

Technorati: + + + + +

Sunday, August 13, 2006

X-Tina Still Bashing Moo-Riah!

"One of my main goals is to try and help women to love each other. I think it's really sad women seem to feel the need to be so competitive and jealous and threatened," wise woman CHRISTINA AGUILERA preaches in the new Allure magazine, on stands Aug. 22. Sooo, I guess MARIAH CAREY isn't a woman then? In the very next paragraph, X-tina takes yet another stab at Mimi since her GQ diss.

In GQ mag earlier this year, Christina moaned that her childhood idol "was never cool to me. To the point that one time we were at a party and I think she got really drunk and she had just really derogatory things to say to me… But it was at that time that she had that breakdown, so she might have been very medicated."

When asked how she feels about Moo-riah today, the kinder, gentler Christina says, "She hasn't been nice to me, no, but, honestly, I don’t want to give her any more attention by even talking about it. Like I said, sometimes honesty is my downfall."

Funny, X-tina, I thought this was your downfall ...

Or this ...

Or, EEK, remember THIS?

Technorati: + + + + +

That's a Lotta Dough!

Back up the Brinks truck! JAMIE GOLD won the $12 million grand prize Friday in the World Series of Poker Main Event. A "former Hollywood agent," Gold says he spanked the fallen players in Texas Hold 'Em with his mad bluffing skills, and credited his big win to knowing "how to read people." (Maybe this is the guy who sold "Miami Vice: The Movie" -- OW.) After winning, Gold (can't be his real name) took his 10 percent agent's fee and told the losers to "Hug it out, bitches!" LOL.

Technorati: + + + + +

Friday, August 11, 2006

Friday Funnies: Leonid the Magnificent Vs. 'The Hoff'

The green-feathered, hula-hoop-shaking, gay Transylvanian sensation, "LEONID the Magnificent," returned to "America's Got Talent" for another hilarious performance and you've never seen so many straight audience-members cringing and gagging on national TV in your life. But in case that's not funny enough, the garter-wearing Leonid flirts outrageously with judge DAVID "The Hoff" HASSELHOFF. What is Leonid? Imagine if the "Rocky Horror Picture Show"'s Dr. Frankenfurter had sex with a green parrot -- this would be their love child. Zaaaank you!

Technorati: + + + + +

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Why Can't Vince Stop Crying? Maybe He Read This Story

Us Weekly reports in a very fishy cover story that ever since VINCE VAUGHN popped the question to his on-screen, off-screen squeeze JENNIFER ANISTON two months ago he just CAN'T STOP CRYING ABOUT IT. So many things feel wrong about this shlocky piece I hardly know where to begin! But let's give it a shot, shall we? First, we'll start with where the alleged proposal took place. According to the mag, on stands Friday, Vince proposed to his honey-haired mama on June 27 after a romantic getaway to La Casa de Las Tetas, better known as the Mexican villa owned by "Girls Gone Wild" titty mogul JOE FRANCIS. (Because, let's face it, nothing sets the stage for romance like visiting an estate built on the backs of topless, underage girls on roofies! Right, ladies?) Upon the couple's return, the wedding crasher reportedly got down on one knee and presented Jen with a $500,000 diamond ring that the mag points out was way, way "BIGGER" than the measly $200,000 one BRAD PITT gave Jen. "Vince almost cries whenever he tells the story of the proposal," the mag finally quotes a "source" as saying. Oh, please. Vince can't possibly be this much of a pussy. Think it's bogus? You tell me!>

Technorati: + + + +

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Proud Dad Brad Loves Changing Poopy Diapers

Professional "manny" BRAD PITT reportedly loves all things that come with being a new dad, Us mag reports, even those less "manly" moments. "He'll get in there, do the diapers, clean up the spit," a source says. "He's been looking forward to being a dad his whole life. He just loves all the little stuff." The mag, on stands Friday, also says Brad reported to the "Ocean's Thirteen" set on Aug. 1 and has been cornering everyone on the set to show them impromptu baby slide shows on his Treo.

Related news:

Brangie's Baby Drops, World's Ills Cured
Angelina's Dad Begs to See Shiloh
Are Brangie the New Taliban?

Technorati: + + + + + +

Monday, August 07, 2006

Why Is Vanessa Minnillo Humping This Guy?

What would her current squeeze NICK LACHEY say? MTV VJ VANESSA MINNILLO was so happy to see this guy last week on "TRL" that she dry-humped him on stage.

So who is he?? Click here to find out!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Britney: Stoned or Just Southern?

An old video of BRITNEY SPEARS during her "Chaotic" period has surfaced casting the Bride of Federline in not such a charming light. (Hard to believe, right?) In this bootleg video, K-FED tapes the "Toxic" cutie with a bad case of the munchies, chowing and burping her way through a slurred monologue about movies, time travel and how she's "missing out on everythaaaang."

Related News:
Harper's Editors Horrified by Brit's Hair
My Brush with Britney
Is Britney Really the 'Simpsons' Hillbilly?
Damage Control for Britney!
Oops! Britney's Baby Goes Boom
Britney Hires Midgets for K-Fed

Technorati: + + +

Saturday, August 05, 2006

You Heard It Here First: Watch 'Gene Simmons Family Jewels'!

Trust me, you don't wanna miss the new reality series GENE SIMMONS: Family Jewels" when it premieres Monday night at 10 on A&E. I recently got a sneak peek at the first three shows and they are a total gas! (And I'm not even a fan. I consider myself more of a KELLY CLARKSON/JAMIROQUAI girl, dontchaknow.) Anyhoo, the series spotlights KISS's most notorious front man, his longtime companion, 1970s Playmate SHANNON TWEED, and their two teenagers SOPHIE, 13, and NICK, 17. There are lots of voyeuristic thrills: such as a glimpse inside Gene's undergound home vault crammed with Kiss action figures, comic books, platinum records, masks and more. Plus you get to see him fondle a lot of groupies AND clean the cat box.

This series works where "The Osbournes" didn't because (a) you can actually understand what Gene is saying, (b) he's hilarious and self-deprecating, and (c) Shannon and the kids don't let him get away with any of that rockstar posturing. There are some obviously scripted gimmicks: For instance, the first episode follows Shannon and the kids' attempt to surprise Gene with an impromptu Jewish wedding. But this is a hilarious inside joke b/c Shannon and Gene have been together for 23 years, have 2 kids and have NEVER married. And as his kids put it, he's "totally WHIPPED." (In fact, on the HOWARD STERN show, the couple revealed that he asked her to sign a legal "agreement" before they even had sex for the first time.) Even better is the fact that Gene's son is 6 foot, 7 inches tall -- and that's not a typo! -- and he wants to be a rock star too. You'll LOL when Gene tries to "help," by booking Nick gigs, suggesting corny band titles like "Engine" and even offering to "play bass" with him and his teen friends. Take it from me, a non-Kiss fan, check out "Gene's Family Jewels"!
(Gene and his gi-normous kid, Nick)

P.S.: What's this about ACE FREHLEY being a closet Nazi? Gene told Howard he used to march around in vintage Nazi costumes to freak him out when they were on tour. (Gene's Jewish -- don't tell MEL).

Technorati: + + + + + + + music

Friday, August 04, 2006

Friday Funnies: Snakes on a Motherfuckin' Plane

Like peanut butter and chocolate and MEL GIBSON and tequila, nothing goes better together than "Snakes on a Plane," the new action flick coming out Aug. 18. Here's a sneak peek at the movie that is oh so NSFW (Not Safe for Work)!

Can't get enough? Then send a personalized voice mail message from SAM JACKSON to your friends and family. I've done it several times and the reciever always freaks OUT! Go here.

Technorati: + + + + + +

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Pop Quiz! Who Owns This Boobylicious Body Bling?

So who would wear a necklace with interlocking Chanel "C"'s, McDonald's golden arches and a skull and crossbones underneath it?

Is it LIL KIM? STAR JONES REYNOLDS? Or VIVICA FOX perhaps? Here's a hint! She used to wear a "house key" as an earring in the '80s ....Click here for the answer!

Technorati: + + +

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Anna to Britney: Let's Be B-Fries!

Good news for BRITNEY SPEARS! ANNA NICOLE SMITH thinks you're, like, "totally cool." "If you wanted to be friends, I would soooo much love to hang out with you!" the six-months-pregnant, pickle-loving TrimSpa babe says on her Website, (Insert your own heart-dotted "i"s and mis-spells here.) Like the Bride of Federline, Anna announced earlier this year that she was preggers -- to the shock and awe of pretty much everyone. But the two Southern-fried blondes do have a lot in common -- like a love for tiny dogs, Cheetos and all things deep-fried. (And even deep-fried, tiny dogs!) So whatchu waitin' for, girls? And don't forget the video cameras!

Related News:
Harper's Editors Horrified by Brit's Hair
My Brush with Britney
Is Britney Really the 'Simpsons' Hillbilly?
Damage Control for Britney!
Oops! Britney's Baby Goes Boom
Britney Hires Midgets for K-Fed

Technorati: + + +

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

In Non-Mel Star News ...

When did COURTENEY and DAVID buy an Indian girl?? (Nice shirt, Dave. Stooge!) (Seen at the "Barnyard" premiere)

HEF's so damn old he can't stand up. (He just turned 80!!)

There's a reason the Girls Next Door are smiling ...

Tag that wrinkly old ass! You earned it, bitches!

Technorati: + + + + +